I recently came across a blog post, “Why long distance relationships will prevent you from being successful” and it got on my nerves to say the least. It has to be one of the most demotivating and pessimistic views on long distance relationships I’ve ever read. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an idealist, but I am realistic. I know that long distance relationships are hard, and that they require significant effort, regardless of if it’s a distance of a couple of cities, countries, or continents. And here’s my take on it…
Time: the longest distance between two lovers, and the most valuable gift for any relationship.
Long distance is a choice you have made, and it’s a temporary sacrifice. You have bought time to stabilise your career, to be with your family, to make memories with your friends, and to prepare yourself for entering into a new life in a new place with your SO. You have chosen to spend time wisely during your time apart. You are no longer blinded by lust and desire, as time has gifted you with the clarity to understand why you want to be in this relationship. You are overcome with the strength and determination to fight for the relationship. Time has allowed you to focus on trust, loyalty, and communication; the core elements of any mature relationship.
You’re not having distance problems. You’re having relationship problems that need to be overcome by the barrier of distance.
Anyone in an LD relationship knows better than to point to “distance” as the scapegoat to his or her problems. Just like regular couples, LD couples have the same problems too. Except, upon resolving an issue LD couples do not have the luxury of holding each other to ensure that everything will be okay. Your SO is not there to wipe away your tears, and they are not there to tease you or tickle you until you start laughing hysterically and forget about all your problems. In LD, you know that everything is fine, simply because you have communicated it with each other; and that has to be enough.
If you asked me two and a half years ago about LD relationships… without flinching I would say NO. They don’t work. They are not worth it, and they always end badly. Not once did I consider the qualities and relationship dynamics of the specific couple. Not once did I even consider how small the world has become. I would just resort to NO. I was (and to an extent I still am) naive and narrow-minded.Ask me now, and this is what I’ll say.Long distance relationships are for the fighters who are not swayed by temptations, and the strong-hearted who don’t need to be cuddled to feel secure and loved. They are for the individualists who take pride in maintaining their own identity. Long distance is for people who don’t just believe, but know that they will be together. That time is not against them, but instead on their side. That with every hour that has flown by, is an hour closer to being together. They understand that physical closeness is important, but that trust, loyalty, and communication are far more crucial.Long distance is for the strong… and if you aren’t, it will make you strong.